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Homo americanus
From the April 2018 [Earth calendar] issue of The Extraterrestrial Journal of Americology. The Journal is dedicated to observing and studying the remarkable creature known as the Average American. This brief editorial serves as a topline review of what we’ve learned since our scholar-contributor-philosophers have put this amazing creature under increasing scrutiny beginning in late 2016 [Earth calendar], a time which seems to correspond with a major community event within the population of these animals that caused a significant increase in in-fighting and agitation.
Homo americanus, commonly known as the Average American, is one of the most abundant yet misunderstood creatures on the planet Earth. Members of the species can take various forms, with hide color spanning a spectrum from deep, luxurious black, to pearly, lustrous white. Their manes also come in different shapes and colors; some are brittle, thin, oily, and prone to tangling, wile others are coarse, curly, and prone to dryness.
The proportions of the average H. americanus specimen are also highly variable. Males usually range anywhere from about 63 to 82 inches in height, whereas females typically stand between 54 and 73.5 inches, though taller and shorter specimens aren’t uncommon. Weight also varies greatly, with many very large specimens, in excess of 300 pounds, having been observed.
